just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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