i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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