Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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