The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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