Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
