You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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