One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
