Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
