Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
