i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
