My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
