After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
