that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize