puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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