When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
