Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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