go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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