You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
