The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
