hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
