Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
