Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
