I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
