I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize