Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
