Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just threw up on my dentist
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
