That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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