Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
