I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
