sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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