You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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