when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
