totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
