If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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