We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
