Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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