I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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