Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
