Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
