Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
