The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize