if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
