my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
