ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize