i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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