you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
