Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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