my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
