Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
