At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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