Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
