Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
