There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize