i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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