Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
