my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We left the knife in your bed.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize