why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i came on her dog
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
