Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
