College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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