pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
