how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
