i was born a porn star she said
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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