i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
