we have officially lost it.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
