Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
