Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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