you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
