I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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