i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
