Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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