"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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