i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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