Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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