I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You took a bar mat shot.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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