Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
