Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
