DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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