I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize